Aw crap
Not again
I know the way
That this story ends

I try to stuff it
Down deep in my bones
And pray that these feelings
Just leave me alone

He’ll tell me no
9 times out of 10
They all tell me no
“You’re such a great friend”

And I just can’t bear it
The same sad sorry song
The pain that will take me
And string me along

But worse yet still
Is that one other one
Who looks at my face
And still isn’t done

He tells me I’m great
And he likes me a lot
Says all the right things
But I’d still rather not

See I am convinced
After years of the same
They’re not the solution
And I am to blame

The sad china doll
All filled up with spiders
With heartbreak and anger
And loathing inside her

How can I love
If I’m all drunk on hate
And how can I trust
If she’s still so irate

I thought for sure
I’d be through this by now
That this would be over
That he’d lead me out

Whoever he is
If he even exists
But deep down I know
That isn’t the fix

9 out of 10
Is a hard pill to swallow
But one isn’t better
One still makes me wallow

See I am the monster
The dragon by night
The princess who’s locked up
Who can’t seem to fight

And I am the one
Who’s crying inside
Still longing and waiting
For a safe place to hide

She hates me
She’s me and I hate myself
I hate me—I’m trying
But it doesn’t help

“You’re pretty. You’re strong.
You’re clever. You’re brave.
The world is better
With you in this place.”

She’s crying
She’s me and I hear her now
I cry too—I’m trying
Is this the way out?

She’s china, for sure
But not full of spiders
She’s actually got
Lots of roses inside her

And maybe not china
But instead she’s a garden
With roses and spiders
She’ll soften, she’ll harden

And he may never show
Even if he’s quite lovely
He may not exist
He may never love me

But maybe it’s fine
And maybe I’m tired
And maybe it’s bad
Or maybe I’m wired

And maybe instead
Of writing weird poems
I should go to bed
And leave it alone

I am not filled with spiders
Not only a monster
I am something much more
Something just made to conquer

Conquer all of those fears
That keep me locked down
And all of those years
Where I felt like I’d drown

He’s lovely, I’m sure
And I hope that he’s real
But in the meantime
My own heart I must steal