All my life there have been voices telling me I need to measure up
And in my mind it’s like I have this glass measuring cup
Reach this red line, they say, and you’ll have done enough
But that red line, it lies to me
Every now and then it moves, subtly
The voices sing their siren song
And the red line just drags me along

In middle school, the line was a boyfriend
Some magical, mystical, 14 year old to bring an end to
all the voices telling me how fat, ugly, and generally
unappealing I was
I mean, that must’ve been the case
Since none of them wanted to take me on a date
So I fought with mother about brand name clothing
And I shut myself up cause no one likes a girl that’s funny
But the funny thing was, they didn’t want me

I smeared eyeliner along the bottom of my eyes
I dressed in ways that began to compromise
My sense of modesty
They still didn’t want me.
I poured myself into that measuring cup, but the line kept moving
Up and up and up

High school came and with it a new game, but the essence of the red line did not change.
Now, instead of trying to fit myself into a mold
I simply had to wait til college to achieve my goal.
Who has the time to wait for all these little boys?
There are good Christian men out there…somewhere
And I intended to find them.
Even if it meant traveling across the eastern seaboard

Now, let’s get one thing straight.
I did not go to college to find a husband.
“Husband” wasn’t even the goal; I just wanted a date.
A boyfriend. Some magical, mystical 20-something to make the pain end.
But…they still didn’t want me.

At one of the largest evangelical universities
Where more people graduate with MRS degrees
All I got was a bachelors in graphic design
And when I did not get my ring by spring, I told myself that I’d be fine
But it was hard to ignore the movement of the line.

Then came post grad life
Moving back in with mom and dad life
Job search struggle life
Responsibilities to juggle life
Wow I’m super broke life
Feeling like a joke life

All my life there have been voices telling me to measure up
And in my mind it’s like I have this glass measuring cup
Reach this red line, they say, and you’ll have done enough
Well the line
Keeps
Moving

Drop 50 pounds and eat a balanced diet to be healthy.
Dye your hair and learn to style it to feel chic.
Wear this clothing that shapes you to fix your body.*
Quiet down, speak gently, to be a lady.
Learn to cook and clean so you’re ready to marry.
Conform to the ridiculous notion that you need to take your glasses off to be pretty.

Look like this
Dress like that
Talk like this
Walk like that
Be like this
Not like that
NONE OF IT MATTERS

They still don’t want me.

My heart may break, but that measuring cup still sits here
Taunting me, teasing me, year after year
My inadequacies weigh me down like shackles on my wrists
And I can feel in my soul that I was not built for this.

All my life there have been voices telling me I need to measure up
And through it all one voice held steady, saying “You’re already enough”
One voice to calm the raging storm inside of me
One voice that thinks about me more than there are grains of sand before the sea
One voice that says, “I adopted you before the foundations of the earth,
Daughter, come to me for the definition of your worth.”
The voice that says, “Come to me when you tire
I will give you peace in exchange for unfulfilled desire.
I made you, sustain you and wrote the days of your life.
I know you in, know you out, all your pain, struggle, and strife.”

The voice that wrapped Himself in human skin
The voice that’s capable of removing sin
The voice that whispers, and is sometimes hard to hear
But that voice is big enough to stand up to all my fear
And that voice can shatter glass

Praise God that measuring cup was not built to last.

*Note: I accidentally omitted this line when I recorded the video. I think the video still holds up, but I also like the line so I wanted to include it here.